selah.

"Take me and pull me through because I can’t move without You. ‘I won’t leave you..."

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:38:01 -0400

“Take me and pull me through because I can’t move without You. ‘I won’t leave you alone,’ You say.”

- the song of my heart.

I was born in the rainiest city in the country. Luckily, I love...

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 22:22:00 -0400

I was born in the rainiest city in the country.

Luckily, I love the rain. I always have.

And I think I always will.

_____________________

I have made mistakes, I continue to make them

the promises I’ve made, I continue to break them

and all the doubts I’ve faced, I continue to face them

but nothing is a waste if you learn from it

and the sun, it does not cause us to grow

it is the rain that will strengthen, the rain that will strengthen your soul

and it will make you whole

we have lived in fear, and our fear has betrayed us

but we will overcome the apathy that has made us

because we are not alone in the dark with our demons

and we have made mistakes

but we’ve learned from them

and the sun, it does not cause us to grow

it is the rain that will strengthen, the rain that will strengthen your soul

and it will make you whole

and oh my heart, how can I face you now?

when we both know how badly I have let you down

and I am afraid of all that I’ve built

fading away

_____________________

I love the rain.

It makes me want to dance.

"the person who invented the phrase ‘happily ever after’ should have his ass kicked. SO HARD."

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 22:02:00 -0400

“the person who invented the phrase ‘happily ever after’ should have his ass kicked. SO HARD.”

- i’m gleaning a lot of from all the grey’s anatomy i’ve been watching these days.

be thankful no one put bread on your head today.

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 10:05:00 -0400

oh, i am.

please please pray for one of my best friend @rmiraboyd’s...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 23:44:28 -0500

please please pray for one of my best friend @rmiraboyd’s 6th grade science students. this sweet girl has been missing since last night and there is currently no known information about her whereabouts. please please pray for her safe return home and for the Lord’s provision for her and for her family.

I think the hardest truth for me to swallow is that God is...

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 18:29:00 -0500

I think the hardest truth for me to swallow is that God is God.

He gets to do what He wants, when He wants, how He wants.

I hate that. In this moment, I really hate that. So much. I’m so angry that that’s how He operates. He isn’t swayed by my petty emotional manipulations and He isn’t moved by my internal assaults on His character or my tendency to doubt and question everything He does or my demands that He change everything I dislike about my life.

He knows who He is.

God being God is the most basic truth there is. It will always trump any attempt of mine to act otherwise. It will always be the answer to my question. It will always be final. It will always stand. It will always be true.

Always.

I’m just really glad He’s good. Entirely good. I really am. Because otherwise, death would have overtaken me. Literally and figuratively, in every way.

God isn’t moved by my attempts to control him and the violent pendulum swing of my emotions.

But He is moved by me.

Come thou fount of every blessing,

O please, please tune my heart to sing thy grace.

vulnerable and free.

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 14:09:21 -0500

vulnerable and free.:

this is written by one of the most beautiful people that i’ve ever met. if you’ve seen her, you might think i’m referring to the way she looks. if you know her, you know that that isn’t remotely to what i’m referring. this blog post brought me to tears and to the much needed reminder that to live life to the full, to live in this broken, messy, sometimes not so clear, what-should-i-even-do-next life, is to live life with your whole heart.

you are the most joyful person i know, jamie hooper fernandez.

"‘It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give..."

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 23:32:00 -0500

“‘It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to the deep questions of the heart and they will never love you.’”

- some days i’d just rather have a rulebook. but everyday i’m thankful to have Love.

this is the good Fight.

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 23:06:43 -0500

this is the good Fight.

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind,..."

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 23:04:54 -0500

“

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

”

- mother teresa. i think she might rival solomon as the wisest person who ever lived. i want to grow up to be like her.

"when you are joyous- look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given..."

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 18:43:03 -0500

“when you are joyous- look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. when you are sorrowful- look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

- the deepest of sorrow leads to the greatest of joys. you’re wise, kahlil gibran.

"there is nothing you can want, there is nothing you can ask for, there is nothing you can need in..."

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:28:10 -0500

“there is nothing you can want, there is nothing you can ask for, there is nothing you can need in time or in eternity that has not been obtained by Jesus and given to you in the promise - ‘I will never leave you.’”

- hallelujah. amen.

go to www.bloodwatermission.com to find out how one click can...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 23:09:21 -0500

go to www.bloodwatermission.com to find out how one click can literally change the life of one person forever. for every new facebook like, twitter follower, or email sign up from now until friday, $1 will be donated to blood:water mission and help bring clean water to a drought stricken part of africa. change the world through just one click.

faith.

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:08:00 -0400

Some days I just want to scream.

And today has just been one of those days. It also happens to be the day my blog post is due.

So welp, here goes.

Actually, here goes round 2.

I already typed up a whole great blog post on anger that I was planning on passing off as a last minute thrown-together-sort-of-thing whilst simultaneously feigning a humble ‘oh gosh, how my thoughts came together so well I’ll never know’ attitude.

Instead, I went from writing about anger to now being literally angry. My computer shut down abruptly (it told me I had 8 minutes left) and it didn’t even bother to auto recover what I had written once I turned it back on. Everyone knows that if you forget to hit the save button, your paper or whatever you’re writing is supposed to know to save itself. Sheesh.

So here I am. Blog post-less and angry. And wondering what this blog post is even going to be about.

Drew Barrymore says in Never Been Kissed (love.that.movie) that to write well, you have to write what you know.

I don’t know a lot right this second other than I had a crummy day.

You know those days that just sort of suck and you just want to go to bed so you can start the next day over? Initial blog post fail included, I think I had one of those days. I’m not even sure why. It had lots of good parts but I spent most of my day feeling anxious and then being anxious about feeling anxious and then feeling more anxious and then finally giving in and deciding to go to bed (before I remembered about having to write this little diddy).

I want so badly to think of some redemptive quality in days like today. To have a verse that neatly ties everything up with a pretty little bow on top. But sometimes you just don’t have days where you can put a pretty little bow on top. Life isn’t that canned. It’s not that calculated. The good news is that I KNOW that today was redemptive. It just was. God says it was so it was. But it really didn’t feel all that redemptive. It mostly just felt crappy. And I think I’m learning that that’s okay that my day felt crappy. Here’s why:

Because having a crappy day is just real life. And real life is just part of being human. And being human is at the core of who I am.

It’s hard to be alone. I mean to be REALLY alone. It’s pretty much the pits. It’s hard to sit with your thoughts, having no where to run with them but to yourself or to the Lord. It takes great courage to stand exposed in front of God, everything you are in front of everything He is. Because if you have even the slightest inclination of who you are and the tiniest inkling of who He is, you understand that what you’re doing is incomprehensible. It takes way less confidence to just run to yourself. In fact it takes none, just cowardice.

Gosh, I think that’s the tension I have been feeling inside myself since I’ve been here in Raleigh, a struggle that really consumes my thoughts. This struggle of trying to run from the reality of who I really know I am, pretending that if I try hard enough I can avoid the fact that I’m selfish, lazy, lustful, prideful, jealous, ungrateful, anxious, and angry but knowing that no matter how hard I pretend, I will always know the truth about myself. Or choosing to face the decrepit, disgusting, broken parts of me and trusting that somehow in the midst of it, Someone can look at me and call me lovely. The former of those two sentences is absurdity, otherwise known as denial. The latter of those two sentences is absurdity, otherwise known as faith.

And here in Raleigh, I’m learning faith.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

{Hebrews 11:1}

"Fear of man is a horrible way to live. It’s absolute bondage. Our idols own us. They own us,..."

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 10:33:58 -0400

“Fear of man is a horrible way to live. It’s absolute bondage. Our idols own us. They own us, they control us, they dictate the directions of our lives and the impulses of our hearts. Our idols get a grip on us and nothing will get a grip harder than this one: the fear of man. It will tell you how to think, it will tell you what to feel, it will tell you how to act, it will tell you what to wear, it will tell you when to laugh, it will tell you what to be… We will use people to make us feel right, to justify our existence, to escape our insecurities and to gain a verdict that we are desperate for [that says we are valuable]. We’re trusting in other people, using them to heal us, validate us, to restore to us our glory. To save us.”

- j.r. vassar, his thoughts on the sin behind the sin behind the sin behind the sin that so often owns me and destroys me. there’s a reason the first two commandments are the first two commandments. Jesus, help.

can we say domination? i mean, really. #godawgs #youkickass

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 09:33:18 -0400

can we say domination? i mean, really.

#godawgs #youkickass

selah (your life).

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 20:32:59 -0400

selah (your life).:

check out my web site!

soooo, i’m a raleigh fellow. (and a really patchy blogger...

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 20:29:00 -0400

soooo, i’m a raleigh fellow.

(and a really patchy blogger if we’re throwing out things that i am).

but raleigh is about to make a consistent blogger out of me (among many other things) .

to love is to be vulnerable. darn.

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 11:42:38 -0400

to love is to be vulnerable. darn.

want to help my dear friends adopt a baby?! check out my photo...

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 -0400

want to help my dear friends adopt a baby?!

check out my photo blog. every picture you order helps fund their adoption!

(http://www.selahbeauty.tumblr.com)